There are nuances that manifest in the treatment of our children during their time in school that I don’t feel I was truly aware of until a situation at my daughter’s school forced my hand. Recently, I needed to make a surprise visit to the elementary school my girls attend because a substitute teacher made the conscious decision to physically discipline my 8-year old. To be specific, she “tapped” her two times with a “long ruler” that we subsequently recognized as a yardstick.
When my daughter told me what happened, I was angry, of course. Enraged, to be honest. How dare she decide to cross that boundary? Corporal punishment in schools was commonplace a while ago. I have a chestful of stories that my mother’s revealed about how educators moonlit as secondhand disciplinarians. It was not a hurdle I was prepared for in 2023.
The conversation with the administrators and the offending teacher was uncomfortable at best. While both the vice principal and dean of students were supportive of my daughter’s experience and understood that it was inappropriate, the substitute had a different perspective. After claiming that she was unable to recall the moment in question, she pressed my daughter with questions like, “Do you think I’d ever hurt you?” and “If not, why would you go tell your mom like I hit you hard?” The triggers set off like fire alarms in my brain.
I found myself pausing the conversation to reassert the protective space I promised my daughter. I guess that’s what this post is about. Reaffirming the safe spaces that we promise our children they deserve. By the end of the conversation, my daughter was jogging to meet her friends in the lunchroom with an apology and a smile on her face. I was successful in making sure her boundaries were firmly set in place and that was my only goal.
It was not about flexing my mommy strength, although I was ready and willing to. There was no need to physically assault the woman who put my daughter in such an uncomfortable position. I had already taken the cues my baby girl gave me when she consistently tried to downplay her discomfort in the moment. My children are well-aware of my willingness to go to war behind their names. She wanted a quieter solution and that was her right.
We expect the school system to create a similar space for our children as we would. There should be a proper lack of tolerance for certain behaviors, there is a schedule to adhere to and an education to be had. The problem is that we assume the environment will be to the standards we have set but have not yet discussed with the adults who supervise them throughout the day. It’s past time for us to close that gap.
It’s time to have those talks about our expectations for the behavior of the faculty in their presence on a day-to-day basis. When we don’t, we run the risk of a teacher – substitute or not – crossing a boundary that will have an affect on your child and the idea of their level of safety at school.
Continued conversations and follow-ups with the teachers and administration at your child’s school is required to develop the proper partnership in their most pivotal, educational years. Through collaboration, we can create a supportive environment where this conversation becomes required less and less.